I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
