In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
