every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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