dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
