Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
