I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
