Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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