i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
