That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
