Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
my poor anus
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
