Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
