I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
