i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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