I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
