that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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