Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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