if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she smelled like a LAN party
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
