and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
