Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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