ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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