I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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