I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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