her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
