If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am available for nakedness
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
