i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just puked most of my soul out..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
