everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
