Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
babies were throwing up all over the place
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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