hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
