I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
