Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
