Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
