I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are we still banned from the library?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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