I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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