How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
