I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
