Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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