it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
