the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
