I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
