my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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