Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sext me about skeletons
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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