So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
