i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
