hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
