Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
