someone owes me an orgasm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
