Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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