Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
