what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
