ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
