Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
