drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
