I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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